Feeling Hate in '08

2008,

Why do you hate me? Is it because I dress better than you? Is it because you caught me fingerbanging your sister in the bathroom at the Copa? Which is it, man!? In so little as a month you've brought nothing but misery and hardship. You start off the year by relocating all of the senior executives in the company to my floor. Now I have to wear a shirt whilst I work. Fine. I can live with that. Then you give my oh-so-cherry Chevy Hydra (1 of 3, ever) a massive oil leak. Not only that, you hide the leak so deep within the engine, that the entire block has to be lifted to locate the spillage. Again, not a problem. After googling, "Chicago mechanic that won't fuck me," I was directed to a reputable establishment, near my home, where I was prepared to get the Hydra where it belongs: Prowling the streets.

Instead, I arrive at the spot I last parked to find my Hydra gone. 2008, you had me at tow car.

I cursed your fucking heart right there and forever. There is no part of me that will ever forgive you. I had to spend the entire Saturday of a three-day weekend in line at an auto impoundment center. Three fights broke out. A woman tried to drive through a barricade. A baby cried. I think some teenagers were laughing at me. I 'm not sure. It was all so confusing.

It's not that you made me pay $1,140.00 to get my car back. It's that you made me pay $1,140.00 to the institution I work for. There's something about that, something degrading. I'm not sure if there's a word for it. I want to say, Kafka-esque. But I can't say that with any certainty. I've only read two of his stories. The Hunger Artist. That was good. But you lost me three paragraphs into The Metamorphosis. Anyway, as I drove back home with a constant oil drip laying remain to where I was, I passed so many better investments. A mattress shop advertised a drastic reduction in Full and Queen sets. A video store was going out of business. Hookers stood idle.

Even worse, my resolution in 2008 was to create a strong portfolio by years end. And here you rob me of my disposable income the same week in which stocks bottom out in price. I was going to buy low. Then follow it by selling high!

2008, you could never be 2002. Not in a million years.

Signed,

Someone who fucking hates you.

Edit

Maybe this year can be salvaged. While writing this, an e-mail arrived from one of my professors.

"This is to let you know that on Monday, January 28, a reporter from Univisión TV (channel 66 in Spanish) will be in our classroom to take a video of our class. This is part of a series of reports about the American economy during 2008 and its influence on the world economy. "

Look for me on Univision. I'll be sitting next to this guy.