Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The worst guy to have on your side. . .

Due to rampant abuse of the relaxed vacation policy, we now have to submit a written request for any days off.

From A.v.E 2/26/2008 1:35:24 PM

Guy,

This is my formal request to take a vacation day on Friday March 21st.

If my request is not honored, I am prepared to commit Seppuku in your office.

Thanks,
A.v.E
(I'm the tall guy that wears ties.)


In writing my request, the concept of seppuku (ritualized disembowelment) grew interest, prompting a wikipedia search. I was aware that Japanese writer and playwright Yukio Mishima committed the act wherein he drove a dagger (tanto) into his abdomen and dragged it from left to right. Following this, someone else will take a sword and decapitate the seppukuee, leaving the head connected to the body by a only a thin strand of flesh. It takes an expert swordsman to deliver such a precise slice.

Yukio Mishima did not have an expert swordsman. As Wikipedia claims:

Mishima committed seppuku in the office of General Kanetoshi Mashita. His second, a 25-year-old named Masakatsu Morita, tried three times to ritually behead Mishima but failed; his head was finally severed by Hiroyasu Koga. Morita then attempted to commit seppuku himself. Although his own cuts were too shallow to be fatal, he gave the signal and he too was beheaded by Koga.



Masakatsu Morita, the man who could fuck up anything.

12 comments:

Moaning Myrtle said...

Is the abdominal daggering done from left to right from the seppukuee's point of view or an observer's point of view?

Anonymous said...

That's a great question!

"Wait. My left, or your left?"

Moaning Myrtle said...

Question two: does the guy doing the beheading have a special name?

Anonymous said...

What's the vacation day for?

Moaning Myrtle said...

Oooh, that's the best question yet. Good job.

Anonymous said...

seppukue? more like seppuk-eewww gross

A.v.E said...

March 20-23rd, I'm pulling a Garrison Keillor and taking my boring stories, rosy cheeks, and bad singing voice on the road.

P.S. The kaishakunin was the name of the person who would perform the near beheading (known as daki-kubi).

Oliver Babbles said...

Are you going to Hays to go the Home?

A.v.E said...

First off, it's the Hays Party Club. Second, no. I'll be in Kansas City - which is nowhere near as fun as the Hays Party Club.

Moaning Mrytle said...

Listen, it's not the Hays Party Club, it's the Home Party Club. Yeesh.

Anonymous said...

it's actually the Hay Barn

A.v.E said...
This comment has been removed by the author.