Monday, March 31, 2008

The Economics Department. . .

. . . is gathering quotations from current undergraduate economics students for inclusion in a department brochure. We request you participate by answering the questions below.

Your responses should be in complete sentences. The questions will not be printed in the brochure; therefore your responses must be able to stand on their own.

Please include your name and standing (junior, senior, etc.). These answers will not be anonymous and your name may be used in the publication.

Please return your responses to the Economics Department (Loop DPC 6200) or email them to by Monday April 7th.

Name: A.v.E

Standing: Upright, mostly.

1. What overall aspect or specific course of the Economics program have you found most interesting or enlightening?

My Professor for Money and Banking was hawt. We’re talking EmmyLou Harris-hot. I totally would have porked her. Still might. Time will tell.

2. How do you think the Economics program at DePaul will prepare you for a career or graduate study?

The Economics Program at DePaul will grant me a piece of paper. That paper says I jumped through a series of hoops, not unlike some trained seal or gay lion. I’ll take that paper to a windowless room high up in a skyscraper. A man (and it will be a man) will read this, and know that I can jump through whatever hoops he sets up for me. Then I buy a car.

3. How does the faculty help bring the study of Economics more to life?

The faculty helps revive the felled topic, by placing the heart of a pig on its chest. Spices, primarily cumin, are poured over the eyes. A woman, topless, dances around while the shaman butchers a chicken. Economics slowly rises, only to become a sex slave who will want nothing more than to know the sweet embrace of a death which will never come.

4.What outside of the classroom does the Econ department do to help further your education and understanding of the field?

Most of the professors have their newspapers delivered to the Front Desk. If you arrive before them, you can lay claim to any. I take the Financial Times. It makes me look smart in elevators.

5.If you are graduating in June, what are your future plans?

I’m not, but if I where, I would get started on that sweet path to alcoholism, self-loathing, and reliving the beautiful morning where I was a guest correspondent on CNBC’s Squawk Box, over and over. "I can still remember the smell of the Sbarro’s in Times Square we frequented after I was able to provide a succinct explanation for the need of enhanced regulation in housing markets. It smelled like . . . victory."

1 comment:

Molly Slaggerty said...

You're going to be the best (and sassiest) damn economist ever! Don't you let those bastards tell you different.