The First Hour . . .

. . . of my day is spent trying to figure out a way to get my company to pay for my parking.

After that's figured out, I then spend the rest of the morning thinking up good put-downs and insults. A good put-down is hard, as we've become a generation so callus as to be zing-proof. We're making fun of eachother's faces in kindergarten. Mothers by third grade. Dick and bust in junior high. Life choices from there on out. But today, I got it. The greatest insult, dunk, snap in the history of insults, dunks, and snaps. It's neither gender nor race specific. It bites everyone aged 21-60, equally. So commit this one to memory. Save it in your moleskin and only use it when you absolutely have to:

You'll never look as good as you did five years ago.

Later this week, my theory on why this works so well.