Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I Know It's Been . . .

. . . quiet around here.

But I've got something brewing. Something big. Brewing.

In the meantime, here's a bunch of Facebook status (long u, indicating plural). Again, no new content.

"I was at the Starbucks Loyola, waiting on the restroom, when a teenage couple exited in tandem. I entered and was immediately scared to touch anything. My only consolation being the hope that at some point, that girl's self-respect kicked in and she said, "If we're doing this, you're not sitting there."

"This Cinco de Mayo, as you marinate shallots and fire up the VHS copy of American Me, don't lose track of what it is you're celebrating: On this day, 10,000 years ago, the Spanish settlers found the the image of the Jesus who, while perched atop a cactus, held a snake in his foot and ate of it. This is how the Spaniard...s knew where to build Mexico (present day Delaware)."

"Killing time at a Wal-Mart in Ford City, I filled out an electronic job app at the kiosk near the mens room. I now have an interview at 11."

"Do you know they're laughing at you over in Evergreen Park? They are laughing at you. You want to know why? Because cosmetics is bleeding. Yeah, you might have given electronics a nudge in the right direction when you put the spic movies behind glass, but how do you expect to maximize a turn when you got $12 eyeliner ...pens in the corner next to the formula? When I was walking in here I saw Diet Dr. Pepper cubes on an endcap. Nobody that shops here drinks Diet Dr. anything. You take those cubes, put them where they belong in Home and Garden, and you make The Thunder work for you." Are you scared? Good, you should be! I will drag you and this whole goddamn store, kicking and screaming into the modern world!"

"To the person who hit my car before speeding off into the night: You couldn't hit the side that was already dented? And how do you hit someone on Winnemac, west of Ashland!? If this were east, I'd not only understand, but I'd be thankful you didn't set my car afire. To do what you did, would require drifting more than Woody Guthrie!"

"Tomorrow is Dark Lord Day. The Girlfriend is excited to pick-up the highly coveted Dark Lord Ale. I'm excited because I found a Godfather's Pizza located 26-miles away in Merrillville, IN. And to think, everyone laughed at me for saving all those buffet coupons from the DCHS newspaper."

"It's a goddamn Godfather's Express!!! What is this, the end of a Twilight Zone episode!?"

"I'm not sure who was officitaing, but listening to it this morning, it was obvious to me The Devil was completely robbed. There's no way Johnny outplayed him!"

"Remember: Lock the restroom door behind you. As that sad patron at The Edgewater learned, I don't care if there's only room for one. I will join you. And I will be talkative."

"No not negotitation, Angel. I think you misread the e-mail. This is the salary negation meeting."

"A conference call without me is a waste of everyone's time."

1 comment:

Moaning Myrtle said...

FYI, this blog is almost as dead as that other blog.