Thursday, March 27, 2008

In the last. . .

. . . eight years, the Democratic Party has become the KU of the political spectrum. Advancing, but finding some way to fuck things up when it really starts to matter.

Childish name-calling, and finger pointing have helped tarnish the reputation and persona of two normally formidable candidates.

What follows are the most recent shots being taken at Barack Obama.

March 14, 2008 - Obama is labeled Anti-American due to comments that Pastor Jeremiah Wright made while delivering a sermon to his Trinity United Church of Christ. "The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, God damn America, that's in the Bible for killing innocent people. God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme."

March 27, 2008 - Despite distancing himself from Pastor Jeremiah Wright, Obama continues to be pegged by association. In a eulogy for scholar Asa Hilliard (published in the Nov/Dec 2007 issue of Trumpet Magazine) Wright is quoted as saying, "(Jesus’) enemies had their opinion about Him. The Italians for the most part looked down their garlic noses at the Galileans." After describing the crucifixion of Christ as public lynching Italian style, Wright goes on to offer that, "The government runs everything from the White House to the schoolhouse, from the Capitol to the Klan, white supremacy is clearly in charge, but Asa, like Jesus, refused to be defined by an oppressive government because Asa got his identity from an Omnipotent God."

April 7th, 2008 - Scandal shakes the Obama Camp following an AP release in which it's revealed that the United Church of Christ is a Protestant Christian denominational Church that arose from the Stone-Campbell Restoration Movement which was an after effect of Restorationism, which is generally reviled as an abomination for it took control of the preoccupied papacy, and shifted congregations towards Christian Primitvism." The press labels Obama a heretic. Support staff and volunteers begin to dwindle.

May 8th, 2008 - Pastor Wright will once again draw scorn for Obama when an interview published in The Chicago Sun-Times attributes the following to Pastor Wright, ". . .I start every morning by eating at least two healthy babies. Jew Babies, when available. Nothing gets a day started like the crunch of two healthy Jew babies." A Gallup Poll shows that if Obama secures the nomination in August, 53% of registered Democrats will vote McCain. An astounding 13% will vote for Dark Horse Candidate Fleagle.

December 7th, 2010 - One-time Presidential hopeful Barack Obama was rushed to the Mercy Medical Center this afternoon following an accident that occurred in a Des Moines-area Elementary School. The disgraced former Senator shattered his hand and sent a hairline fracture through his ulna in an attempt to break a flaming stone (ala Sidekicks) before an assembly of K thru 5 students. Third grader Timmy Presmont stated, "I'm unsure as to which simile to use." When prompted for both, Timmy replied, "His attempt to break that brick was as weak as the lesson it hoped to impart. Or, His attempt to break that brick was as paltry as was his attempt to secure the Democratic nomination in '08. We can thank him for the McCain/Clinton ticket that would sweep the country and fill the streets with blood of the innocent."

Hospital staff report that the sound of Obama's lonely cry fill the halls of the Mercy Medical Center. Nurse Carolyn Georges likened it to, ". . .a baby tapir."

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