Tabletop.

(Follow up to this previous entry.)

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

WOMAN
Hello?

A.V.E
Hey, this is (A.v.E). I’m here to pick
up the table.

WOMAN
Oh, hi. The buzzer is being funky, I’ll
be right down to let you in.

Ten minutes later

WOMAN (CONT'D)
Sorry about that. I was eating hummus.
Come on in.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - STAIRWELL

WOMAN
Just move into a new apartment, or are
you replacing a table?

A.V.E
Neither. I’ve been living at the same
place for the last three years and finally
decided that I’m sick of eating meals
covered in dirt and fire ants.

WOMAN
Well, good luck. You seem able enough to
handle the responsibilities that come with
table ownership.

A.V.E
That's very kind of you to say.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - WOMAN'S APARTMENT

A.V.E
I just want you to know that in the event
any of your plans involve clubbing me over
the head once I’m inside, my friends know
where I am.

WOMAN
Seriously?

A.V.E
No. I don’t have any friends. But I will
make certain that my path to the doorway
is unobstructed at all times.

WOMAN
Dammit.

A.V.E
To be honest, this is my first time buying
anything on Craig’s List. I’m kinda nervous.
I hope I do it right.

WOMAN
Don’t worry, this is my first time selling
anything. I guess that makes us both virgins.

A.V.E
I was worried that the search terminology
“dining table” might be code for some underground
Craig’s List blood cult.

WOMAN
Sorry, I'm afraid you've stumbled into an
underground prostitution ring.

A.V.E
Oh, in that case, I’m really excited about this.
Like, really excited.

WOMAN
...

A.V.E
...

WOMAN
The table is in the room that’s going to be
the nursery, my fiance moved it in there last
night. He'll be here any minute. I’ve taken the
legs off, so you should be able to move it out
quickly.

A.V.E
I guess that just leaves the matter of payment.

A.v.E hands the woman two twenty-dollar bills.

A.V.E (CONT'D)
It’s all there. You can count it.

The woman takes a bill in each hand and quietly counts.

WOMAN
One. . . Two. . . Okay.

A.v.E takes a pair of black gloves from his back pocket.

A.V.E
(slowly)
I’m putting these on. There’s no need
to worry. I’m just using them to get a
better grip on the table.

WOMAN
I’m going to be in my room if you need
anything else.

A.V.E
I could use a. . .

Door closes.

A.v.E shrugs, bends, and lifts one end of the table. He drags it across the hardwood floor.

FADE TO BLACK.